My Story

When my second child was born, I was elated. I had gotten the girl I was hoping for, and that inside I knew. She was born at home in a 3 hour labor during a thunder storm in Vermont at the end of May. She was absolutely beautiful, smelled and felt delicious and was the answer to my prayers. Her dad, however, experienced an intense plunge into deep depression the day after her birth. By the time our daughter was 6 weeks old, he was being hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. My first child was almost 4 at the time. My parents, who lived very far away to begin with, were both in their dying process. My siblings were too busy to help. 

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I learned how to ask for help. But first, I blamed myself. "I should be able to handle this on my own." "I can do this." In addition to thoughts such as "I have made a big mistake." 
"I can't do this." "I should give my baby away."

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I was experiencing anxiety for the first time in my life. The first time I hadn't slept in 48 hours, when my baby was 2 weeks old, I felt like I was losing my mind. She would be sleeping, but I was wide awake. Sometimes my milk wouldn't let down, my nervous system was so on edge. She wasn't an "easy" baby, either. She wouldn't nap much during the day unless being carried or rocked, and at night she would be awake and screaming inconsolably for hours, especially between 1 and 4 AM. I was utterly exhausted and depleted. My biggest fear was not being able to care for my 2 children. It was a nightmare. I loved them so much, and wanted to show up for them, and I used every last resource I had to do that. I didn't sleep more than 3 hours a night for an entire year. 

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Turns out, being a good mother isn't about giving your kids every last bit of you. It's about keeping yourself healthy in a very real, deep way.

It's about loving and valuing yourself enough to do that. It's about asking for help and relying on your partner, family, and friends and anyone else who is offering. It's about letting your vulnerability lead you.

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And you know, what they say, the ancient traditions of Ayurveda and Traditional Chinese Medicine, and countless other cultures...the first 42 days can dictate the next 42 years of a women's life postpartum. 

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To this day, my health problems center around this crucial transition point in my life. I am still healing from this and in some way, always will be. It is my fervent hope and wish that I can help other mothers have the best postpartum experience for themselves and their children. Their is no greater joy in the circle of life. 

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Let's create a new paradigm, in support of mothers everywhere, that provides the base for a healthy and happy society, that bucks the capitalist system, and that inspires women to be their wild women selves in addition to being caretakers. Let's create this together.

-Emma

Phone: 802-579-4473